It’s been a little bit since we’ve seen each other, I know. I’ve been really wrestling with the blog these past two weeks are so, and I’d like to share with you why.
I’m a pretty private person. Our family is very introverted, and we tend not to share too much because a lot of what we experience feels…intimate. Our life is also very rich in experiences that can easily mislead others to believe we fit a specific label or live a certain kind of life. We have some incredible blessings in our lives, but we also have had some really tough times, and these things shape our family.
This past weekend was really what brought this all full circle for me. On Saturday I went to buy my first luxury vehicle. It took me all day to cut a deal, but it was an awesome experience, and I’m in love with my new set of wheels. But truly, it’s a pretty fancy car… Sometimes I think it’s much too fancy for me. But, I keep reminding myself that living in LA requires that I spend half of my life driving (barf), so I might as well be comfortable while I’m working to afford it.
After signing the papers and driving off the lot in my new beauty, Christopher and I went to Providence for dinner. Let me tell you about this place. It’s continuously rated the #1 restaurant in LA by multiple sources. It’s an incredible dining experience, with a pretty incredible price tag attached. We went for DineLA, so the pricing was much less than normal. But needless to say that dinner for two at this restaurant starts at around $500 for the smallest menu selection on a regular night.
I also started this new service called Rent the Runway (It’s awesome, by the way! Totally fun.), so I rented three AMAZING pieces of clothing that were priced around $400 each.
My point in telling you all this, was that pulling up to Providence for dinner, in a brand new luxury vehicle wearing a pretty expensive dress felt a little bit like I was living someone else’s life. Yes, I have some splurges in my closet, but this really took it to the next level. At times, I actually felt uncomfortable. I felt that people were looking at me (they probably weren’t, a ton of people in LA look/dress this way) and wondering about my life. My biggest concern with having nice, expensive things is that I seem to become unapproachable, like I have less in common with the people around me. With this, I’m missing an opportunity to connect with someone because of the way I look and present myself, which feels like a terrible shame.
This translates to my blog as well. Sometimes, as I scroll down the Instagram feed, I wonder how others see our life. Going to lovely places, wearing beautiful clothes, eating amazing food with our ever-smiling son… It’s just an illusion. We do the things we post about, that’s true, but we live relatively modest lives. Our son smiles a lot, that’s also true, but he also keeps me up a lot at night crying and nursing. He gets cranky and so do Christopher and I. Some days, we get up in the morning to go to work/school and just pray to make it through the day.
Our lives can be messy. Sometimes the house is a disaster zone, sometimes it looks like I live in a museum, it’s all a mixed bag of experiences. And I really like it that way. I appreciate the lovely things in life so much because I know that they are fleeting. I try to accept the gift of sadness, anger and mourning when the lovely moments expire and hard things set in. These shifts in circumstances allow me to experience the broad spectrum of human emotion. I firmly believe that to experience all of this so fully is an incredible gift, that allows me to connect to others in a very special way: Empathically.
Christopher and I mentioned how relieved we were when Sunday came around. We woke up in our messy little home, with our sweet little babe (promptly at 6am….Because he doesn’t know how to sleep in yet) in our tired, over-stretched Hanes t-shirts and all. Life was no longer glamorous as it had been the night before. It was quiet and comfortable, and we loved everything about it.
This is the good stuff.